shu and momohito and jealousy
i’m always feeling jealous of things i don’t want and can’t deal with anyway.
shu-kun is one of my favorite sideM characters. i think he’s really cute and i like his overbearing confidence. he’s a good person who’s just a bit socially unaware. but even if he was aware, i don’t know what he could do. he praises himself heavily but he doesn’t put down others. it’s not his fault he’s so perfect; is he supposed to stop shining just because it makes some others feel bad?
in contrast, momohito pissed me off until recently. i found him annoying and couldn’t stand how jealous he was of shu’s ‘talent’ despite being so accomplished himself. it felt like he was constantly dismissing that shu also spent hours training to get where he was, even if it was in less time than momohito. and it felt like he was so ungrateful for his own skills as the awards killer or whatever. i feel bad when i compare myself to others too, but that’s just shit you gotta deal with, right?
i relate to touma who’s similar to shu, but i’m more similar to momohito than i initially thought. well, momohito’s more similar to shu than he thinks too. there’s probably dozens of people at his school who feel similarly jealous of him, not seeing the effort he puts into his skills. in fact i think everyone has a bit of shu and momohito in them. we’re all good at different things and have different accomplishments and lives and feeling jealous is normal.
i haven’t read COD yet, but i really liked fancom.
when i feel jealous now, i try to remember how my friend said i was like momohito; my talent is in working hard. that’s not to say others don’t… i accept that the people i’m jealous of work hard as well, just like how i felt momohito should of shu. of course, shu-kun is a fictional character so he’s allowed to be an actual genius. and the people i feel jealous of work much harder than me.
it’s tougher when it’s online, too. i wish my ‘shus’ were as willing as him to befriend me and stop me from feeling bad, but there’s not much you can do if you’re jealous of like, a youtuber with a million followers or something (not in my case). whatever, the point is that i can’t dismiss my own effort just because i felt like it didn’t get recognised by others. and it’s ok to have to put effort into something that you think others can do effortlessly.
i still don’t like momohito much, but i’m surprised how hard his character hits even though he’s literally designed in a lab to be a relatable character. somehow, c.first is such a strong unit with interesting conflict despite being made of complete mary sues. i never expected them to grow on me like this.
i feel like such a flop, but sideM continues to heal me.