art summary 2023
i’m not doing it! this was my worst year for drawing ever, and just looking at my pieces is depressing the hell out of me. i’ve had slow years before but for the most part i’ve always been able to pull out at least one completed piece per month. instead, i’ll rant about why it was such a shitty year in art for me.
1. self-shipping
this was the main reason i didn’t draw anything i was proud of this year. i completely engrossed myself in pretending the racist ace attorney spinoff character was my girlfriend, so i pretty much exclusively drew pictures of myself holding hands with him like we were two cute little puppy lovers. and it made me really happy, but being happy in the short-term isn’t the same as being happy and proud of myself in the long-term.
it’s the artistic equivalent to jerking off, to getting mindless dopamine from scrolling social media, to buying a quick treat online. it’s OK to do a little bit, but i shouldn’t let it consume me, because even if drawing barok kissing me makes me happy in the moment, i don’t feel any sense of pride from drawing that.
furthermore, it’s artwork that’s entirely for my own gratification, so i had no motivation to make it look good or put effort into it. in many cases i didn’t draw out the scenarios at all because again, it was just for myself. and i can simply imagine things in my head.
2. lack of new media investment
similarly, i didn’t get invested in any new media that made me want to draw fanart this year. that isn’t to say i didn’t ‘consume’ content outside of DGS at all. but i had zero desire to draw it. who cares. i don’t play games for the sake of wanting to feel inspired to draw. as for original art, i’ve been avoiding planning my webcomic for a very long time now.
additionally, it seems like most of the artwork i drew this year was ship-related even outside of self-shipping, but i generally don’t care enough about pairings to put full effort into that sort of artwork. i’m a completely gen artist, i swear!
3. zines (and lack thereof)
zines were one of the main things that gave me motivation to draw complete pieces often. but i stopped this year for various reasons, including that i felt bad for signing up when i couldn’t provide my best work or interesting compositions.
physical compensation was also a motivator to draw (especially considering i live on a remote island where shipping prices are insane), but over the past year, i developed an extreme distaste towards physical objects. at some point in march, i made a log of every single piece of merchandise i owned and it was seriously ridiculous how much fanzine merch took up, despite me 1) rarely participating in zines, and 2) already refusing most of the merch i could potentially attain through those sources. i still buy new merch though...
i did end up signing up for some stuff near the end of the year, though (and already completed 2/3 of them since i’ve been wanting an excuse to draw a full piece so badly, i guess!)
4. 3D art and coding
actually, my primary focus this year was 3D art. despite that, i can’t recall spending a lot of time on it or producing any pieces i was really proud of outside of one, so i need to get back to that. i was also strangely obsessed with web coding halfway in april or so. i really dove into javascript for the first time and improved a lot there. but that’s also a hazy memory from the past.
5. general depression and burnout
my mental state has been at its worst this year even though i’m in a happier place IRL. it’s not unusual for me to take a three-week long break from twitter each year when i’m feeling really awful (or really distracted, but the two often go hand-in-hand). i think i’ve done that like five times this year, though. i hate using discord too. in short, i don’t want to exist and have zero desire to do anything other than go to sideM 9th next year.
also i don’t know why i decided to do comics for nearly every day of benbaro week because that absolutely burnt me out from drawing for the rest of the year.
overall, it was a shit 2023 and i don’t see 2024 being any better, especially since i didn’t make the lottery for the only viable convention here. this was also the first year i didn’t surpass my socmed record from the previous year, but considering i drew literally nothing other than me kissing my favorite character i’m not mad about that.
apparently people get the impression that i draw a lot, but i really don’t think that’s the case at all because i’ve put so little effort into all of the art i’ve done this year. in my mind, i’ve been taking a break from art since july 2022, and it was only this week that i managed to get myself off my ass and draw something i’m proud of again. but i’m out of ideas again so i think my flop era will continue for a little while longer!