20th december 2010 in the charts
struck with nostalgia, i decided to go through the official top 40 singles of the official new zealand music charts. 2010 was filled with beloved songs, including stan walker's black box which was his debut single after winning australian idol and poi e, which rose to the charts again following the release of taika waititi's breakout film boy. dane rumble's cruel, j.williams and scribe's you got me, nesian mystik's sun goes down, and brooke fraser's something in the water— all songs that any new zealander would remember even if they didn't know the name (and i'm recommending all of them!)
then you get to the charting week of 20th december 2010 and find three songs that aren't available on any streaming services. though there are no news articles or online forums discussing their release, they all charted fairly high thanks to being christmas parody songs featuring radio hosts from the edge, one of new zealand's biggest radio stations targeted towards the youth. based on this interview with one of the hosts in 2020, they were all made to raise money for charity (being available on itunes for $1.79 for a week).
jay-jay feeney ft. seth haapu - xxxmas
it's your typical horny christmas parody, featuring lyrics such as "who put toys under the christmas tree? don't forget to include batteries" and "don't send an STD under my chimney". this song went all the way to #2 on the charts, which i assume must be because the edge was playing it on their own station, but the lyrics are so explicit (and not masked by good music) that i would be kinda shocked to hear this on a station for teenagers. the video is also available on porn sites for some reason. this was actually jay-jay's first time doing a holiday charity single, with the second being a non-charting song titled christmas cake, that was apparently also very sexual. on seth haapu's side, he appears to be quite a serious artist so it's really funny to think of him being on this hornfest of a christmas song.
dom harvey feat. scribe & megan - christmas wrapping
of course you can't have parody music without a cringeass white rapper, so here's jay-jay's ex-husband dominic filling the role. it's vaguely misogynistic and generally difficult to listen to but it does have scribe who was a super popular NZ rapper at the time. this one peaked at #6 and has its own music video, which is kinda cute. edit: upon further investigation god those lyrics are horrendous given the allegations made against him and mediaworks' attempts at covering them up.
mike puru feat. jason kerrison - nothing more for christmas
finally at #13, we have this song that has zero links or records so i have no idea what it sounds like but i can guess that it was a legitimately normal christmas song which is why it flopped compared to the sex song and the parody rap. jason kerrison is/was the lead singe of opshop, who were a popular rock band around those years. maybe if they got the whole band on board it would've done better!